Coffee Breakfast

Okay, people. Let’s get down to business here. Let’s get down to basics, let’s get down to brass tacks, let’s get down to the nitty gritty…

Let’s fry up some pork chops.

Okay, if rocket science were people, these pork chops would be…Antarctica. These are the simplest, most delightful little numbers—ready in 5 to 10 minutes, flavorful, and exceedingly man-pleasing. And again, I don’t intend to be a walking, breathing affront to feminism with statements like that. It just so happens that I am a raging feminist. I believe in raising my daughters to be creative and confident women who can find equal contentment standing on their own two feet or raising a family with a man, if he’s the right match. I believe in equal opportunities for men and women, and I believe that women can do anything men can do.

Except that lumberjack stuff. That would be pretty tough.

I also believe that a woman can be strong and independent while also deriving joy from watching a huge grin sweep across her husband’s face when he bites into something he finds delicious.

I am woman.
Hear me roar.
But my husband’s tastebuds
I can not ignore.
And if I make the pork chops he will melt…

Or something like that.

My Lord, can I ever write the worst recipe headnotes. I should be fired.

Plate #1: Flour…seasoned salt (any seasoned salt will do; I use Lawry’s.)…cayenne pepper, if you’ve got the guts.

Plenty of ground black pepper.

Stir it together with a fork until it’s nice and combined.

Plate #2: Pork Breakfast Chops, or Breakfast Pork Chops. Basically, these are bone-in pork chops that are cut extremely thin. There are as many different incarnations of “pork chops” as there are grains of sand in all the beaches of the world (hyperbole much?) but just look for the thinnest cut—bone still in—as you can find. Sprinkle each side with table salt…

(I usually use kosher salt to season meat, but pork chops are just too down-home for that.)

Next comes plenty of ground black pepper.

Again: no freshly ground tri-color peppercorns will do here. We need the black dust in the can.

Here’s the deal: I’m a lazy person. And as a lazy person, I just can’t be bothered with painstakingly seasoning both sides of every pork chop in a batch before moving forward. So I just season one side, then plop it, seasoned side down, onto the flour mixture.